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Thousands Gather For Stuffing Of Giant Rockefeller Center Turkey

Thousands Gather

09:45PM ET | NEW YORK

"Lines were long but I wanted my son to be there when they peeled back the skin and threw salted butter and grease into the crowd," said Dean Carlson more

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    Special Focus: Business

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    Americans Celebrate R

    Americans Celebrate 10 Millionth 'Bring Yourself To Work Day'

    October 30, 2006 | Issue 42•44

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    Horoscope

    Virgo August 23 - September 22

    There's a fine line between comedy and tragedy. A fine line you will soon trip over, before rolling down the stairs and smashing your skull open on the concrete floor.

    News In Photos:

    The Week In Review

    The Week In Review

    Features

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    • Corrections

      We would like to amend last Thursday's headline "Local Grocery Store Site Of Triple Murder" to read "Man Slays 3 In Grocery-Store Rampage," which is punchier. The Onion regrets the error.

      11.19.2008

    • Stockwatch

      HPQ

      Angry investors dropped the stock en masse after visiting 12 Best Buys without being able to find the right printer cartridge.

      11.18.2008

    • From the Print Edition

      Tommy Lee Jones

      Bags Under Tommy Lee Jones' Eyes Causing Him Neck Problems

      11.18.2008

    • Editorial Cartoon

      Palin Clothes

      Editorial Cartoon
      November 17, 2008

      11.17.2008

    • Carson City Bethesda Philadelphia

      National News Highlights

      United States Map

      Roll over locations for news

      • CARSON CITY, NV—Staring up into the starry sky failed to have any awe-inspiring effect on 32-year-old Andrew Crucet, instead convincing him that he is just as good as any stupid star.
      • BETHESDA, MD—Annie Jordan, 39, just found a real steal at TJ Maxx.
      • PHILADELPHIA—Ed Callahan gave Melanie Russell a bunch of daffodils, having heard somewhere that they symbolize measured affection.

      11.17.2008

    • TV Listings

      According To Jim

      ABC

      8 p.m. EST/7 p.m. CST

      This show about a regular family man who is holding the president of ABC's son hostage returns for an eighth season.

      11.16.2008

    • Letters to the Editor

      Dear The Onion,

      I've noticed that you only print complimentary letters to the editor. Keep up the good work!

      —C. McKenna, Huntington Beach, CA

      11.15.2008

    • Unsung Heroes

      Hungover

      Your hungover roommate Johnny claimed the entire living room by lying down half naked on the couch while watching countless hours of American Dad DVDs, forcing you to go outside and enjoy the day.

      11.15.2008

    • TV Listings

      Built For Speed

      SPEED

      7 p.m. EST/6 p.m. CST

      Host A.J. Sling demonstrates how dang fast it looks when you hang a camera out the side of your Monte Carlo.

      11.14.2008

    • Sunday Magazine

      Are Tissue Box Designs Too Ostentatious For America's Bedside Tables?

      More Magazines

      11.14.2008

    • TV Listings

      K9 Cops

      Animal Planet

      10 p.m. EST/9 p.m. CST

      Tonight: Having used excessive force to take down a drug runner, 6-year-old German shepherd Bosco adjusts to his demotion to a desk job.

      11.13.2008

    • From the Print Edition

      Defensive Back Still Down On Ground After Missed Interception

      Defensive Back Still Down On Ground After Missed Interception

      11.13.2008

    • Letters to the Editor

      Dear The Onion,

      Should I cut the red wire or the blue one? If you could get back to me in the next 18 seconds, that would be great.

      —Steve Snow, Cumberland, MD

      11.12.2008

    • From the Print Edition

      Offbeat Squirrel In Park Garnering Cult Following

      Offbeat Squirrel In Park Garnering Cult Following

      11.12.2008

    • Stockwatch

      MASP

      Stock prices soared this week when the artificial limb producer announced plans to open a Caucasian legs division.

      11.11.2008

    • From the Print Edition

      Hot Girl’s Number Lingered On

      Hot Girl’s Number Lingered On

      11.11.2008

    • Editorial Cartoon

      Welfare Queens

      Editorial Cartoon
      November 10, 2008

      11.10.2008

    • Letters to the Editor

      Dear The Onion,

      I just got September 19th's political cartoon. Ha ha, good one!

      —Elias Marvinney, Somerville, MA

      11.01.2008

    Issue Highlights

    • Weather Not Deemed Too Shitty For Deliver Guy

    • Prostate A Hideous Burlesque Of Former Self

    • Sweater-Vest Worn As Well As Could Be Expected

    • Emotional Goodbye Ruined By 4-Hour Train Delay

    Personal of the Day