Dumb Tables: The Absurd Plot Generator

Category: Cussin' In Tongues
Created on Friday, 22 February 2019 Written by Steve

It’s a Dumb Table kind of week. I might convert this to a script at some point, but for the time being I’m going to do it the old-fashioned way. Just follow along and roll on each table to generate your plot. Figuring out what the elements mean is your problem. 

The PCs find themselves traveling through...

  1. An alternate dimension with no shrimp 
  2. Possum Trot, Kentucky
  3. Frostbite Falls, Minnesota 
  4. Welldigger’s Ass, Alaska
  5. Buzzard’s Breath, New Mexico
  6. Tinker’s Dam, California
  7. Indianapolis, Indiana  
  8. Junction City, Kansas
  9. The sub-basement of One Hex Tower 
  10. Tool Town Federal Corrections Facility (Montana)
  11. Radical City, Kansas 
  12. Caledonia, Massachusetts
  13. Harm’s Way, Louisiana 
  14. Ultra City, Minnesota 
  15. Collinsville, Illinois 
  16. Boone County, West Virginia
  17. The steam tunnels below Michigan State University
  18. Angler’s Taint, Oregon
  19. Sprooge’s Pikertat, Middle Dakota
  20. An alternate dimension where everything is shrimp

Where they encounter…

  1. The Ancient and Honorable Order of Pricks 
  2. The KISS Foreign Legion
  3. The Tony Danza Fan Club 
  4. The First Reformed Church of Priapus Ascending 
  5. The Dracula Initiative 
  6. Lyle Lovett and His Large Band 
  7. The Wombat Brotherhood 
  8. Acolytes of Leviathan
  9. The Circus of Set
  10. Discordians
  11. Nihilists 
  12. Evil Elvis Impersonators
  13. The League of Alphabetical Madmen 
  14. The Jack Parsons Project
  15. Satan’s Haberdashers 
  16. Zombie Reagan Cultists 
  17. The Senate Select Committee on Fancy Dinner Parties 
  18. The Salvador Dali Died For You Society
  19. Abstract Expressionist Peloponnesian War Reenactors 
  20. The Occult Disciples of E. Gary Gygax, Super-Wizard 

Who are trying to…

  1. Summon a powerful extra-dimensional entity using…
  2. Hold the world hostage with…
  3. Defeat Kevin Bacon using...
  4. Open a gate to the underworld with...
  5. Obtain phenomenal cosmic power through…
  6. Build a Tantric super computer using…
  7. Control time and space with…
  8. Enslave the human race with…
  9. Build a working faster than light engine that utilizes…
  10. Achieve immortality through the power of...
  11. Destroy the world with…
  12. Determine the location of…
  13. Harness the power of…
  14. Kidnap The Devil by luring him to this dimension with...
  15. Finally blow up the moon as soon as they obtain...
  16. Create a pocket dimension with the power of...
  17. Immanentize the eschaton with…
  18. Resurrect Richard Nixon with a ritual involving... 
  19. SHOW THEM ALL once they’ve obtained...
  20. Summon Godzilla with...
  1. ALF Pogs 
  2. Richard M. Nixon’s bowling shoes
  3. Hidden knowledge revealed through deciphering hidden messages coded into episodes of Mama’s Family 
  4. Bigfoot’s spleen
  5. Jim Garrison’s secret files 
  6. The unabridged original manuscript of Naked Lunch 
  7. The Roswell spacecraft
  8. A series of Fortean-themed paintings by George W. Bush  
  9. David Lynch’s dream journal 
  10. Hitler’s brain 
  11. Mel Blanc’s voice 
  12. A bag of magic beans 
  13. The magic bullet 
  14. The occult secrets of the Juggalos  
  15. John Oates’ mustache
  16. Smurfs 
  17. Journals detailing top-secret scientific experiments conducted by Stan Lee and Frank Zappa in the 1960s
  18. The Vatican Library’s secret collection of forbidden erotica 
  19. Adam West’s Book of Shadows
  20. The power of cheese 

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Dumb Tables: The Absurd Plot Generator.
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